The Gut Wrenches Quiz
Ta’ take da’ Gut Wrenches all yas have ta’ do is read the statements below an’ if you’ve ever heard the comment in relation to yerself that’s one point. Add up da’ points an’ see where ya’ rate on The Gill O’ Meter©®TM.
1. Girlfriend/Boyfriend or spouse: “We need to talk.”
2. Doctor (snapping on rubber glove): “You’re going to feel a little pressure.”
3. Boss: “I need to see you in my office.”
4. Mother or Father: “I want to talk to you about what I found in you room today.”
5. During “intimate” time with significant other: “Are you done yet?”
6. Cop who just pulled you over: “I’m going to have to ask you to exit your vehicle.”
7. Supermarket Clerk or Restaurant Waiter: “I’m sorry but your credit card’s been declined.”
8. Barber or hair stylist: “Oops.”
9. Priest during confession: “You’re kidding, right?”
10. Your cellmate “Betty”: “You’re going to feel a little pressure.”
Nows tabulate yer points fer The Gill O’ Meter©®TM.
0 – Superb, but yer probably a shut-in or way more fortunate than 99% of civilization… you jerk.
1-2 – Excellent, yer livin’ the good life, but you don’t know REAL pain!
3-4 – Average, ya’ probably got knots in yer stomach jus’ frum readin’ the quiz.
5-6 – Poor, buts I bet ya’ got sum really good stories.
7-8 – Piss Poor, yer probably very bitter an’s drinks a lot a’ scotch.
9-10 – Gil The Carnie, now don’ go doin’ any thin’ drastic. Jus’ take a breath an’ remember this is jus’ a quiz. Good, now fix yerself a drink an’ crack open dat Stephen King book ya’ been puttin’ off. Ya’ll feel better in a couple hours.
1. Girlfriend/Boyfriend or spouse: “We need to talk.”
2. Doctor (snapping on rubber glove): “You’re going to feel a little pressure.”
3. Boss: “I need to see you in my office.”
4. Mother or Father: “I want to talk to you about what I found in you room today.”
5. During “intimate” time with significant other: “Are you done yet?”
6. Cop who just pulled you over: “I’m going to have to ask you to exit your vehicle.”
7. Supermarket Clerk or Restaurant Waiter: “I’m sorry but your credit card’s been declined.”
8. Barber or hair stylist: “Oops.”
9. Priest during confession: “You’re kidding, right?”
10. Your cellmate “Betty”: “You’re going to feel a little pressure.”
Nows tabulate yer points fer The Gill O’ Meter©®TM.
0 – Superb, but yer probably a shut-in or way more fortunate than 99% of civilization… you jerk.
1-2 – Excellent, yer livin’ the good life, but you don’t know REAL pain!
3-4 – Average, ya’ probably got knots in yer stomach jus’ frum readin’ the quiz.
5-6 – Poor, buts I bet ya’ got sum really good stories.
7-8 – Piss Poor, yer probably very bitter an’s drinks a lot a’ scotch.
9-10 – Gil The Carnie, now don’ go doin’ any thin’ drastic. Jus’ take a breath an’ remember this is jus’ a quiz. Good, now fix yerself a drink an’ crack open dat Stephen King book ya’ been puttin’ off. Ya’ll feel better in a couple hours.
posted by Captain Mog at 3:35 PM
5 Comments:
I scored a 14! Of course, I may have lied, but this is modern day America! What's my prize?
Awesome quiz Carnie. Do we get to mix and match? Double the points, double the fun?
Doctor (snapping on rubber glove): "I want to talk to you about what I found in your room today."
Priest during confession: "Oops."
Darn Darth, a 14 is "Al Gore", thas pretty bad.
Only ya'all could thinka' sum thin like dat gunslinger.
I had a talking Betty doll who'd say that, but we all just thought she was making a funny. Hmm... now I'm not so sure.
Now, about your quiz Gil, I usually test really well, but I flat out flunked this one. I guess that I must need to get out more.
(as an aside, you doing so many posts in one week will spoil me. Yippie.)
The other night my blowup girlfriend said "are you done yet." Hell she ain't even real......do I get extra points for that??
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