Road to Badger Boy: Part Steven

My Pancake Is Melting!; Whens I refused to poke Charles’ liver he smacked me wit a piece o’ boiled meat then he crawled inta’ the Coke machine coin return. I leapt at the machine stuffin’ ma lips inta’ the small slot.

“For God sake, man! Whata’ bout the fudgesicles?!” I screamed, but he musta’ not heard me. The Dr. Pepper was pretty loud.

Some thin’ was wrong. I felt ma’ face an found dat ma’ eyebrows switched places. “Gads! The bull-weevils are flyin’!” I dodged right, somersaulted left den’ pounced on a fella’ wit da inverted head. Knowin’ dat bull-weevils have da power to command body hair ta’ der will, I snatched the cigarette frum inverted-head’s claw an crammed it up ma’ nose. I knew I needed more lift and separate.

Sum thin tackled me frum behind. Thunderstruck I bared ma’ powerful incisors an’ tried ta’ chew off ma’ torso ta’ escape da’ large beast lyin’ on topa me. After several hours o’ bitin’, slapin’ an’ wettin’ maself I was able ta’ flop like a’ trout ta’ freedom.

I ran ‘round in circles for several moments ta’ loose da’ beast den I threw maself inta’ the gappin maw of night. I don’ know how long ‘er how far I ran, but I suddenly came upon a beautiful bright light. It covered me wit a blindin’ glow dat seem ta’ intensify wit every second. I knew at dis moment that it was God callin’ me home ta’ da great carnival in da sky. Den the light struck me goin’ ‘bout 40 miles per hour.

I woke in a drunk tank sum days later. The Saab dat’ hit me an’ dragged ma’ pathetic carcass fer 30 miles didn’ leave me wit a single scratch. Funny thin’ though, I guess (according ta’ ma’ cellmate) I clawed out ma own eye ta’ get to the chewy nougat center o’ ma’ head. Life lesson learned; don’ do drugs kids an’ goin’ Greyhound can kills ya’!