Carnie FAQ (F#%king Annoying Questions)

As a 20 year carnie veteran you hear a lot of stupid things come outta' peoples mouths and some times a lot of wet chunky stuff coming outta' those mouths too, but that's a story for another time. Right now I'ma dealin' with the dumb crap peoples always askin' me about working in a carnival, so jus maybe ya'll just shut-it and ask mes some good questions like "Do you take hundred dollar bills?"

1. Is this game fixed? Now ma' favorite answer is "Naw, if you look over here you can see his testacies!", but that don't work to well with the ladies.
2. Is this ride safe? This is an easy one, I jus' give them a big gap filled smile and says "Now ya' think they'd put me in charge of a $50,000 Tilt-a-Whirl if it wasn't safe? You should be worried if they had a NASA technician to operate this."
3. Is it sanitary to make cotton candy like that? It's fluffed sugar with food coloring! Whata' you want from me?! Surgical gloves and a diving helmet! I'm wearing the stupid hairnet already!
4. Is the dwarf running the petting zoo safe? As long as you don't poke him.
5. How'd you loose so many teeth? Children answer: Eating too many sweets and not doing my homework. Rowdy teenager answer: Rough sex with yer mom. Adult answer: Arn't you a little old to be askin' me stupid questions?
6. Are you sure this is an official Budweiser mirror? You won it playing "Wack 'em Cats", whatta' you think.
7. Uhg, are you the one who smells like urine? Oh, dear God no, that's the dwarf.

Well thars lots more than that, but writing this list is making me depressed and sober.